Sunday, January 23, 2011

1.23.11

I was thinking today about how it feels like my life has sort of jumped around in normal "life experiences". I'm not sure how to word that any better, but I'll try to explain.

I think I may have mentioned a while back that I always wanted to go to college first, get married, and then have kids. Everything has happened quite the opposite... I had my son, then got married, then graduated with my associate's degree (and am now going back for my bachelor's). I've already had a "career" (when I was in the Navy) and now that I'm in school it feels like I'm going back and repeating a younger part in life... the college kid... and I'm finding it hard to adjust right now. Some days I feel good about everything and think I have a nice routine going and I'm straight, but other days I sit and wonder what the heck am I doing. I wonder if I will be able to be successful in school (even though I KNOW I can if I put my mind to it and put in the work). I wish I was able to have had that typical college experience of living in a dorm and making tons of friends and partying, but I know I can't do that now since I have a family of my own and have already had a small career period. I'm "old" by typical college standards.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my current life for anything in the world. We are financially stable. We will soon be homeowners. Our marriage is strong and good. I love coming home from school and spending time with Tyler, and spending even more time with him on the weekends. And I really treasure all of the little things, like his snuggles, putting him to bed at night, watching him do silly things and laughing crazily. I love the alone time I get with Jon after Tyler is in bed, and our ability to joke with each other and feeling like I fall in love with him all over again at least once a week. It's absolutely great.

I think once I get out of school I won't feel so confused and disoriented. Call me crazy but I ENJOY living the "American dream" of having a husband, a house, pets, and kids. I love cooking for my family, I love trying to knit (ha, note the word TRYING), I enjoy planning out a possible garden for our new house this summer, I don't even mind not having much of a social life. Sure, it would be nice to have some friends and go out every once in a while, but I'm cool with our way of life for the time being. I know a lot of old friends of mine are still enjoying being young and not being married or tied down to the domesticated lifestyle yet, but I can't imagine NOT being this way.

Actually, I was reading over a couple of old friends' Livejournals today, and it made me sad how we have lost touch over the years. And sad that they went through some rough experiences and I wish I had known about them, and had been able to reach out and offer my friendship during those times. I miss those old friends. Part of me still clings to these high school memories and wishes I could rekindle those old times, but I know it can't be. I just wish I still had those old friends as a close part of my life... at times I feel like since I joined the Navy and got married and had a kid, I was pushed away because we lost common ground. It hurts to think about but I guess I need to move on.

Well, that's enough of my musings for this afternoon. I should go dive head first into my physics homework and pray I can get the answers correct!

Friday, January 21, 2011

1.21.11

Week 2 of college: Done.

This week was once again full of ups and downs. I did well on the Italian quiz I could have sworn I would fail. I got frustrated and angry in my Engineering Design class (mostly at the younger aged kids in my class who would rather procrastinate and get drunk and whatnot... long story!). I felt socially awkward in Physics (we had to work in groups to solve some problems in class, and since I was alone at my table I was assigned to another table... and one of the guys I was working with said under his breath "do we really have to meet new people"... WOW. I totally heard you, dude.

Add on top of that we were in the process of buying Jon a new car since he really does need one, but that fell through.

The reason the car thing fell through is because the day after we went to the dealership, I met with the mortgage broker, who told me we shouldn't make any new big purchases or open any new lines of credit until we close on the house... so I told him we had just about got a car the night before, and he ran the numbers, and we would have been denied for the mortgage. So I called the dealership back and we got Jon's down payment back (thankfully we never officially signed paperwork to buy the car, so we were okay) but the mortgage broker advised us to switch Tyler's daycare because unfortunately, VA loans take daycare expenses into account in your debt-to-income ratio. It sucks... they also won't take my GI Bill money into account as an income so on paper, by their standards, we look poor. Which we are truly not... we are very much financially stable and can afford the car plus the house and everything else. I was so frustrated and almost broke down, but we will be fine. Mortgage proceedings are still going on, we will still get our house.

The absolute highlight of my week, school-wise, was meeting with my academic advisor. I had met with the department head when I was first going through everything to get registered for classes, and I thought he was my advisor, but I guess not. Anyway, I LOVE my advisor. She was very understanding of my current situation and was super nice and helpful, and just made me feel very positive about being able to finish my degree. I was thrilled to meet her and to be able to have the chance to work with her for the next few years. She sent out an email to the entire computer science department that she wants to start having students and faculty meet for informal lunches on Monday, which I look forward to now. They truly want you to be successful at that school, and I feel like they care about each person as an individual. When I was at USF, I felt like just a number and like no one gave a crap whether I passed or not. I felt lost in a massive sea of people. I truly believe having a good academic experience and being successful is based on your support system... and I feel that I have that support here.

Ahh, enough of my rambling. I am so happy it's the weekend and I look forward to relaxing, spending time with Tyler, and getting some homework done.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

1.15.11

So glad this first week of school is over. I went from having near-anxiety attacks, to feeling okay about school, to getting sick at the end of the week and not wanting to be in classes at all... it was an interesting start to my first semester. I just need to control the little voices in my head... the ones that try to talk me out of it and convince me that my associate's degree is good enough and I can do fine getting a job and not to stick it out with school. But I KNOW better. I just keep thinking, in 2-3 years I will be finished, and how quickly 2-3 years can go by... I mean, Tyler will be 2 years old in May and it's crazy to think how fast his first 2 years of life have already gone by... and that this year it will have been 3 years ago that I found out I was pregnant with him. So putting it in that kind of perspective isn't so bad. Also, that I finished my associate's degree in 2 years (and that was only part time, and taking online classes, while working full time) so if I could manage that, surely I can manage being a full time student to get this done. After all, I'll be working the next 40 years of my life anyway, so what's a short 3 year pause to get educated and have a potential better salary?!?

Anyway... this morning we had our house inspection for the new house we're going to buy. It went very well... I was amazed at how thorough the inspector was. He found things I would not have even thought of checking for. So we only need a few repairs and fixes from the owners and it should be good to go. I still fall in love when we go over there and look at it... I can't believe soon it will be OUR house. And we will be able to make our own memories, add another member to our family, have friends and family over to visit, and enjoy the beauty of our very own home. I am so proud to be reaching this milestone in my life, of becoming a homeowner.

I was joking on my Facebook earlier that you know you're getting old when you get excited about planning your yardwork for your house and being excited about a Legion membership... yup I have an American Legion membership. And I never really utilized my benefits but will be doing so this year... especially since we will be having our wedding reception at our local Legion. Sometimes I just feel like an old soul... a lot of people my age (well, I'm thinking more like celebrities) are still out partying and having fun and getting smashed and sleeping around... but I am honestly happy to be "settled" right now. I love being a wife, having my own family, raising my son, and going to bed at a decent hour. I don't think I would want life any other way. Sure, my life plan may have gone backwards (I always wanted to finish college first, start a career, get married, and then have children... but I ended up getting pregnant with Tyler, signing up for online classes and finishing my associate's degree, then got married, and now I'm going back to college to have a good career!) but it has worked out well. A girl I was stationed with on the USS Bataan said to me that it's impossible to plan for children or life really, because things always happen when you least expect them to. And she was right.

I'm just looking forward to everything in store for this year. I thought last year was going to be big and important, but this year is looking like it will be pretty huge too!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

1.12.11

Well, I guess I can say I chose a pretty good title when I was thinking of a name for my blog...

Busy doesn't even cut it though. OVERWHELMED, maybe. Freaked the "F" Out... good possibility. Stressed?! You bet.

I started classes on Monday, and I already feel pressured and stressed. The only class I feel semi-comfortable with is my Computer Science class. I'm actually interested in it, and it doesn't seem like it will be very difficult. Engineering design also doesn't seem like it will be that tough. Physics though... holy crap. I "came out" to my physics teacher... I sent him an email and told him I'm scared to death of physics and I suck at math and that I honestly feel weird and out of place in a classroom full of younger kids/freshmen. He said he'd be happy to go over some practice problems with me and get me up to speed with the rest of the general population haha. I did the same for my Italian class... I LOVE my teacher, she is a sweet lady who is from Italy (not sure where) but she is super nice, and I mentioned to her that it's been about 9-10 years since I've taken Italian in high school so I do understand it a bit still, but I'm not that great at it. She is meeting me after class today, but I was very grateful. Bonus thing is I'm not the oldest student in that class... there is a woman who looks to be about my grandmother's age in there (no kidding!) and I sat next to her the first day, and she seems super nice.

I feel ahead of all these young'uns though... I can remember back in high school, or even the first 2 semesters of college I went to right after high school, how everyone was still in that frame of mind of cliques and not wanting to associate with the dorky/nerdy looking kids, etc. I know better. I'm going to sit by and get to know these nerds and utilize them to my advantage. We have some group projects in my comp sci and eng design classes, and I singled out the nerds on day one and I will get to know them over the next few weeks. It will only help me, right? I'm not hung up on looks or popularity or any of the other young BS college stuff... I'm not looking for a social life or invites to keg parties... I'm looking to complete my education and not suck at it. So for all of you youngsters out there, look past the old high tops, tight straight leg jeans, baggy sweatshirt that came from 1992, awkward haircuts, and glasses... those are what make up the incubator to the BRAIN full of massive helpful knowledge on the inside. THOSE kids are gonna be the ones making the big bucks after they walk across the stage and get that degree in their hands.

Grab on tight and hang on.

I just hope I can get over my slight awkwardness and organize myself and get this all going. I'm nervous because of our house buying process. I'm nervous about moving while going to school. I'm worried about the wedding. I had to re-evaluate when to plan our next baby... we were going to go with trying for a pregnancy this May, but we are going to wait til August or September because I don't want to deliver in the middle of a semester and miss classes and have to repeat them, and I want to spend time with the new baby. I'm thinking WAY too much and way too far ahead, but I like to have a rough idea of a plan!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

1.9.11

Tonight is my last night of being an unemployed, stay-at-home-mom. Tomorrow, I begin the last leg of my quest for the ultimate glory... I am going back to school to finish my bachelor's (hopefully master's) degree and then one day, hopefully get my dream job working for NASA as a computer engineer.

It seem so far away though.

But I'm excited... I'm tired of having NOTHING to do and just waiting... now I will be busy, busy, busy... taking 3 classes on M,W,F and then one class on T, TH... finishing out the season coaching my peewee squad until February... and we'll be moving into our new home on February 18th. I can't wait! We have been negotiating all weekend with the sellers for our dream house, and I think we will have the offer and everything nailed down by tomorrow. Fingers are crossed...

And I am still working on all the wedding planning for our July ceremony.

Starting tomorrow, things are going to get pretty busy. Part of me is nervous, but part of me is really excited and ready to FINALLY get this going.

But for now, I'm going to go shower, get Tyler's and my clothes laid out for tomorrow (I know, pretty dorky, but I'm all about efficiency in the mornings!) and pack my bag for school... hopefully I actually sleep, I have a feeling I'll be like an excited little kid and NOT sleep at all...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

1.5.11

Happy National Whipped Cream Day!

Did you know such a day existed? Neither did I!

Yesterday and today have been busy. I met with my wedding planner at 10:30 yesterday morning to discuss the initial plans we need to get taken care of (nailing down the ceremony and reception venues, budgeting, etc) and so far so good. I think it is VERY much worth it that I hired her... I could not plan a wedding all on my own with so much other stuff going on. And Maria has been extremely helpful, enthusiastic, and a joy to work with. I'm really looking forward to finally having the wedding ceremony of my dreams with the man I love most!

After that meeting, I met with my realtor, Sylvia, to go check out a few houses we're considering. She took me to 5 different homes that I got to tour, and out of the 5 we narrowed that down to 2. Jon and I will be going with Sylvia this weekend to check them out since he didn't get to see them. One of the homes I dreamed about last night... I think that's our perfect home... it has 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, a beautiful kitchen and dining area, nice living room, and just feels and looks amazing. I really hope we can get that home, I look forward to decorating it and upgrading a few things (we found out we are eligible for the first time homebuyer's tax credit since Jon was deployed last year... they extended it to April of this year, yay!) and I can't wait to add another member to our family to live there with us.

After THAT meeting, the "baby whisperer" came over... she has been coming out to visit me every so often since I was pregnant with Tyler, she's from the Navy Fleet & Family Support Center and basically just comes out to give me information and advice on parenting and whatnot, and to check on Tyler's progress... some people might think that's a little invasive or weird, but to be honest I don't think I would be half the mommy I am without her help and info. She's been great... and I have the number for the child development resource center so we can call and get Tyler evaluated for possible speech therapy. He babbles PLENTY and loves to tell you what's on his mind... in his own crazy language. He just isn't saying very many understandable words yet, which is a small concern. So we'll keep tabs on that process...

Then last night I had cheerleading practice. I coach peewee cheerleading through my church league, and my squad consists of eight 5-6 year old girls. They are a bunch of fun, but they can be exhausting too! We started working on their little dance routine last night, they were so excited, but I haven't chosen music for it just yet. I'm still narrowing down possibilities... but they know the moves, which is good.

Today... had to go to Jon's base and get some military paperwork taken care of. Then tomorrow I need to get my parking permit for school, buy my textbooks for class, and Friday I have orientation. AHH! What a busy week. I think on Sunday I don't want to do much of anything at all...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

1.4.11

Here is an excerpt of an email I wrote to an old high school teacher of mine, regarding the recent Captain Honors scandal. (For those who don't know, Captain Honors has been blasted in the media for making "controversial" videos while on a deployment over 4 YEARS ago... and the videos are just now being leaked and people are just now causing a stink over it. Really??) If you haven't seen or heard about this story, Google it. I'm sure there's plenty. But here's how I feel about the situation, because I've been in the Navy, and when I heard about this it truly bothered me.

"Wow! That's crazy that you're kinda related to him. I can somewhat see the side where people think what he did was a stupid idea... but again, after having spent 5 years on active duty, and being on a deployment at sea looking at the same people 24/7 and doing the same thing every single day, working long hours, and it's not like you can just hop in your car and drive to Wal-Mart if you want to... you develop that kind of odd humor. Shoot, I have a video I made of my deployment (I think my parents have a copy on DVD somewhere, but I would gladly upload it to the net if I can find it!) and people are doing stuff that would be considered "lame" by the average civilian, but to us we were cracking up. Just like how everyone has "inside jokes"... so do crazy sailors.

I really don't think that just because that guy made a video with some "controversial" things in it that he should be hung for doing it. Or that it makes him a bad leader. Just because he took 10 minutes or so out of his time to do that doesn't mean the other 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day he acts that way. And he obviously gained his rank because he either A) worked hard and busted his ass for it or B) kissed a lot of ass for it (but based on my own judgement, I will go with option A, since I notice a lot of the ass-kissers in the military are the ones who would be offended by that video, and the type of leaders to just walk around with a stick up their ass all day and not give a crap about the lower ranking enlisted people). I've had many different leaders during my time in the Navy... I've had really awful ones who made me want to get out because I thought that all leaders in the Navy were that way, and I've had fantastic leaders who motivated me to do my best and want to make a career out of the military. (Obviously for different reasons I chose to get out and go in the Reserves, but that was not due to any leadership impact.) There are so many people who support Captain Honors because he brought humor and fun to an otherwise crappy job that a majority of Americans would balk at doing. I'd like to see the personal lives of the media people and the sorry ass "offended" people who dislike the videos... I'm sure they've never uttered a curse word or thought ill about someone or made a dirty joke in their lives, right? Are they so holy and pious that they can judge a guy who made a funny clip? Are their lives that boring that they need to nitpick away at his intentions when they can't just see what it is on the surface-- a simple video to boost morale and cause a giggle?

And what bugs me more is some people who comment on "how would you feel if that were your daughter on a Navy ship watching that" well... hopefully your daughter was an 18 year old (or older) adult when she enlisted, and the beginning of the video CLEARLY states that it may offend some, so she can certainly make the adult decision to NOT view it. No one on a Navy vessel would hold another sailor down and force them to watch something like this if they didn't want to, because something like THAT would definitely be reported and blown up in the media as harassment. If people don't like it, look the other way. I don't like politically correct stick in the ass morons who run around spouting off about how everyone is doing everything wrong and offending everyone else. But I look the other way and mind my own business and concern myself with what I DO care about.

Ahhh sorry that got long but that's my more than 2 cents... the whole issue struck a nerve with me since I've been there, done that. "

Sunday, January 2, 2011

1.2.11

Nothing much exciting going on today, it was a lazy Sunday afternoon spent just relaxing and doing nothing. The weather outside was rainy and blah so we didn't want to go anywhere or do much of anything. We DID spend this afternoon watching Despicable Me together though, which I thought was a really cute movie.

What wasn't so cute, however, was when Tyler got a hold of my spoon I had been using to eat chili with, and proceeded to bang on the coffee table, leaving a TON of little nicks in the wood. Ouch. Looks like we'll be busting out some sandpaper and re-staining the surface sometime in the near future...

It's going to be a busy week for me. Tomorrow Jon and I are finally going to add me to his Tricare so I can get in and see a doctor about getting my IUD taken out so my body can start regulating itself again to prepare for pregnancy later this year. I also need to stop by school and get my campus parking pass. Oh, and pick up my text books for class. Tuesday I'll be meeting with the wedding planner in the morning, the realtor around lunch time, and the "baby whisperer" later in the afternoon. Friday I have orientation. Oy!

Jon and I decided today we are limiting ourselves to only 2 hours of electronics access a day (by that I mean I am only allowed 2 hours on my laptop, he's only allowed 2 hours on his Xbox). We both have become highly addicted to these things and really need to cut back... and I would like to start working on "mom hobbies" like learning to use the sewing machine Jon bought for me and finishing knitting the scarf I started working on last month. I'd like to learn to sew cloth diapers so I can make up a stash of newborn sized ones for the future baby, but that is going to be a big challenge. We'll see if that idea even materializes, since I have a full workload with my school schedule and want to make sure I work extremely hard to do well and get this degree done and over with!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

1.1.11

Happy New Year! I am a former blogging addict, I started well over 10 years ago before blogging was considered "cool", back when I was 15. I've gone through Xanga, LiveJournal, and even had a blog here when my son was born (that I have neglected to keep up) but I figured I need a new outlet to write since that's something I know and love.

I suppose for this first entry I should introduce myself. My name is Amanda, I've been married to my (pain in the butt) husband, Jon, for almost a year now, but we have been together for nearly 5 years. We have an adorable 19 month old son together named Tyler and 2 cats, Toby & Angelbell. We live in a little house in Virginia, the epitome of suburbia at its finest.

I got off of 5 years of active duty Navy last July and have been working the stay at home mom role for some time now, while being a Navy Reservist (drilling one weekend a month). I will be going back to school in less than 10 days to eventually achieve my master's degree in computer engineering. While on active duty and taking care of Tyler, I managed to earn my associate's degree in applied marine engineering. Hence my blog title... I'll soon be a busy full time college student and mama!

Jon is still on active duty in the Navy with Riverine Squadron One. He is planning to make a career out of it, so I'm planning to be the supportive military wife. :o)

Tyler is just growing and into all the typical toddler things... he loves Elmo, his Magna Doodle, playing with Matchbox cars, building blocks, and running around yelling in his crazy toddler language. He brings so much joy to our lives, and he is always smiling and laughing. On the rare occasion that he has a temper tantrum, we can't help but laugh, because he is 95% of the time a happy-go-lucky kind of kid. It's been a lot of fun (and learning) watching him grow and develop and seeing all of his new milestones and achievements.

So... resolutions for this year? I'd like to label them goals rather than resolutions, since many a resolution has been broken. This year Jon and I will be having our formal wedding ceremony in July. (We went to the justice of the peace to get married last year right before he deployed.) I will be running a half marathon in March. I'm going to train for and hopefully complete a sprint distance triathlon this year. I'd like to lose about 50 lbs before May, and in May we would like to work on making a sibling for Tyler. I hope to do well (or at least my very best) in school. I'm looking forward to all of these things.

But for now, enjoy the blog posts as they come. :o)